![]() ![]() In and out of consciousness, I hallucinated and woke up hearing evil voices saying, “Kill yourself, life is not worth living, you are worthless.” Over the next few months, the voices in my head trapped me in cycles of hopelessness. Many times, I would pass out and wake up in different places the next morning, not remembering what had happened the previous night.Īt a frat house Halloween party, I almost overdosed after a bad hit of ecstasy. Any constraining inhibitions melted away. The new freedom away from home and the cool social life excited me.įor a few hours at a time, ecstasy provided feelings of euphoria, high energy, intense happiness, and peace. I drank hard liquor daily and did ecstasy and LSD. It never happened.ĭuring my first ASU semester, I joined the uncontrolled world of sororities and fraternities. I imagined a bright future helping people as a caring ob-gyn physician. Alcohol and drugs made me feel powerful and fearless.īig dreams filled my 17-year-old mind as I stepped into my dorm room at Angelo State University (ASU) in San Angelo, Texas, where I was enrolled on a pre-med scholarship. Yet I was insecure, standing at just over five feet tall and weighing no more than 100 pounds. I ran cross country and was active in the chess, math, and science clubs. Even with partying, I earned high grades and honors. We drank and laughed, danced to country music, and got high on cocaine. On weekends teenagers hopped into pickup trucks and drove along back roads to homes, barns, and fields away from town. Serious Texas-style partying followed in high school. Because of these tragic events, I carried an unhealthy fear of death into my young adulthood.Īt some point between ages nine and ten, I began experimenting with pot and alcohol. Several years later, my best friend in fourth grade died of cancer. Stopping by my friend’s house to say hello to her mom, we were shocked at her mother lying motionless on her bed. I grew up in a loving middle-class family in Lubbock, Texas, a farming and ranching community famous for raising cotton, corn, peanuts, and cattle.Īs a five-year-old, I experienced a severe trauma while walking to school with a classmate after eating lunch together in my home. ![]()
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